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Life in the armed forces can make dating tricky. Long deployments, postings far from home and unpredictable schedules do not always fit with mainstream dating apps. That is where Forces Penpals comes in. It is a UK-based site built to connect members of the armed forces, veterans and civilians who want to support them, whether that means friendship, a pen pal or something more.
In this guide we explain what the site is, how it works, what it costs, who it suits and how to stay safe, along with some practical tips for dating someone in the military.
What Is Forces Penpals?
The site started in the UK in 2002 as a way to help service personnel stay connected while serving away from home. Over the years it has grown into a dating and social site for the military community, used by serving members, veterans and civilians in the UK and beyond.
What makes it different from a normal dating app is its focus on support and conversation. Not everyone on the site is looking for romance. Some members simply want someone to write to while they are away, others are looking for friendship, and many are hoping to meet a partner who understands military life.
Members can say on their profile whether they are interested in friendship, dating or both, which helps everyone know where they stand from the start.
How Does Forces Penpals Work?
Joining is straightforward. You create a profile, add photos and say a little about yourself, including whether you are serving, a veteran or a civilian, and what you are hoping to find.
Profiles and search
You can browse other members and search using filters such as age and location. Profiles show what each person is looking for, so you can focus on people who want the same kind of connection as you.
Messaging and chat
Members can send messages to each other, and the site has chat rooms and forums where people can talk more widely. The community side is a big part of its appeal, especially for people who are new to military life or missing home.
Letters and pen pals
True to its name, the site encourages letter writing. Many people still love receiving a proper letter or parcel while deployed, and the site helps members connect with someone who will write to them.
Is Forces Penpals Free?
You can join and create a profile for free. Like most dating sites, some features, including full messaging, are part of a paid membership. The site has historically offered special terms for serving personnel, such as free or discounted membership, so it is worth checking the current offer for your situation when you sign up.
Always read the terms carefully, check whether your membership renews automatically and keep an eye on what you are paying for.
Who Is Forces Penpals Best For?
- Serving personnel who want someone to talk to while away, or hope to meet a partner who understands the lifestyle.
- Veterans looking for friendship or love with people who share their experiences.
- Civilians who admire the armed forces and want to support or date someone who serves.
- Military families and partners looking for a friendly community.
If you are simply looking for a general dating app with lots of members near you, a mainstream app will give you more choice. Many people use Forces Penpals alongside one of those.
Armed Forces Dating: What to Expect
Armed forces dating comes with its own rewards and challenges. Understanding them from the start helps relationships thrive.
Time apart
Deployments, training and postings can mean long spells apart. Couples who do well tend to plan regular contact, celebrate small things and have something to look forward to when they are reunited. Our guide on long distance relationship tips has lots of ideas that work just as well for military couples.
Limited contact
Communication is not always possible during some deployments. Patience and trust are essential, and letters can be a lovely way to stay close when calls and messages are limited.
Moving around
Service life often means moving to new bases. Partners need to be open to change, and many find a strong support network among other military families.
Pride and understanding
Many people who date someone in the forces say the sense of pride, loyalty and shared purpose makes the challenges worthwhile.
Tips for Using Forces Penpals
- Be honest about what you want. Friendship, a pen pal and a relationship are all fine, as long as you are clear.
- Write a warm profile. Share your interests, your sense of humour and why you joined.
- Take part in the community. Forums and chat rooms are a relaxed way to get to know people.
- Be patient with replies. Serving members may not be able to answer quickly.
- Respect operational security. Never ask for, or share, details about locations, units or missions.
Staying Safe on Military Dating Sites
Sadly, scammers sometimes pretend to be soldiers to win people’s trust. This is one of the most common romance scams, so it is important to know the warning signs.
- They claim to be deployed overseas and cannot video call.
- They declare strong feelings very quickly.
- They ask for money for leave, flights, phone bills, medical costs or “release fees”.
- Their story has gaps or keeps changing.
- They ask you to move the conversation off the site straight away.
Genuine service personnel do not need to pay for their own leave or communications, and the armed forces will never ask a partner to send money. Never send money or gift cards to anyone you have met online. Keep personal details private, chat on the site first and meet somewhere public when the time comes. Our online dating safety tips cover more ways to protect yourself.
Alternatives to Forces Penpals
It is the best known site of its kind in the UK, but you have other options too. Many service personnel use mainstream apps such as Hinge, Bumble and Tinder, especially when based in the UK. Some also join military-focused groups and community pages run by and for service families. If you want to meet someone near your base, a bigger app may give you more local choice, while Forces Penpals gives you a community that understands the lifestyle.
Making a Military Relationship Work
If you do meet someone special, the same things that keep any relationship strong matter even more when time apart is part of life: regular communication, trust, plans to look forward to and a shared sense of humour. Small gestures, like a handwritten letter, a parcel of favourite treats or a recorded message, can mean a great deal. If you need more ideas, see our guide on how to make a long distance relationship work.
Writing a Great Letter to Someone Serving
Letters are at the heart of the pen pal tradition, and they can mean the world to someone far from home. If you have never written to a service member before, these tips will help.
- Keep it upbeat. Share everyday news, funny stories and things you are looking forward to.
- Ask questions. Give them easy things to write back about, such as their favourite food or what they miss most about home.
- Send little extras. Photos, puzzles, magazines and favourite snacks are often welcome, as long as postal rules allow them.
- Be patient. Post can take a while, and replies may be slow.
- Respect privacy. Never ask about locations, operations or anything sensitive.
Life as a Military Partner: What Helps
If your connection turns into a relationship, life as a military partner brings its own rhythm. Many partners say these things make the biggest difference.
- A support network. Friends, family and other military partners who understand.
- Routines. Regular call times, when possible, give you both something to rely on.
- Shared goals. Planning a trip, a home or a future together keeps you connected.
- Your own interests. Keeping busy with work, hobbies and friends helps time apart pass more easily.
- Honest conversations. Talking openly about worries and expectations builds trust.
Many bases and service charities also offer support and events for partners and families, which can be a lifeline when things feel tough.
Common Questions About Forces Penpals
Is it a dating site?
It is both a dating site and a social site. Members can look for friendship, a pen pal, a relationship or a mix of these.
Do you have to be in the military to join?
No. Civilians are welcome, and many members are civilians who want to support or date someone who serves.
Is the site UK based?
Yes. It started in the UK in 2002 and has members in the UK and other countries.
Is it free for service personnel?
The site has offered special terms for serving members, such as free or discounted membership. Check the current offer when you join, as terms can change.
How can I tell if a soldier online is real?
Ask for a video call, watch for requests for money and be wary of stories that do not add up. If in doubt, report the profile.
Is Forces Penpals Worth Joining?
If military life is part of your world, or you would love to support someone who serves, the site offers something mainstream apps cannot: a community that understands. Whether you are looking for a friend to write to, a supportive chat or a partner for life, it is a good place to start. Go in with an open heart, keep safety in mind, and enjoy getting to know people with a shared sense of purpose.
For more dating advice and honest reviews, explore the rest of Singles Warehouse. If you have a question or a story to share, please get in touch.
