Singles Warehouse reader Hopeful Girlfriend asks the experts about moving from friends with benefits to a relationship:

Can a man and a woman who have been friends for a couple years and who became friends with benefits make a relationship work? And if so, how do you transition from friends to more than friends? And if friends with benefits started during the woman’s pregnancy, does it have a chance?

FWB don't walk on the beach at sunset

FWB don’t walk on the beach at sunset

Dear HG,

First, let me say what we are all thinking: you must have been one attractive pregnant person. Anyway, moving on to answer your question…. I don’t really believe that friends with benefits moves to a serious relationship unless both people both have an epiphany they are in love, like Harry and Sally from the movie. But, if you like this guy, then why not tell him what you’re feeling? Something like: “As much as I love having sex with you, I also like your personality and I want to see if we can be more than friends. Also, more than friends with benefits.” If he’s like, “Um, wow, that’s cool, I just remembered I have something big at work due tomorrow, I’ll text you,” it’s probably a no. If he’s like, “I’ve been thinking that, too,” then awesome.

The key question here is, if you’re already close enough to be friends and to have sex, then wouldn’t he have already asked you to be something more if he was interested? But who knows, maybe he’s shy, or he doesn’t want to mess up a good thing. Guys, who can understand their inner workings? Not even the Blogapist, at least not 100% of the time.

So, as always, direct communication is recommended. And if this question ends the relationship, then I think it’s a blessing in disguise, because you want to be in a relationship and this FWB deal is likely taking up time and mental energy that you could otherwise devote to a guy who wants a serious relationship.

Thanks for writing in, and if you ask him and he says yes, write back, and I will update this post to satiate everyone’s curiosity about what will go down. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Wants Your Benefits to Go To a Guy Who Wants What You Want.

Dr. Rodman blogs at Dr. Psych Mom. Join her on Facebook and Twitter.

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