I’ve been there – watching friends all around me meet men, fall in love, get married, while I was still alone, dating jerk after jerk after jerk. It’s hard not to feel sorry for yourself and play the victim. And then the question rolls around in your head over and over. Why am I still single?

So, Why Are You Still Single?

Chances are, you’re still single because you’re getting in your own way. This is good news, because it means that this entirely within your own control, if you can stop playing the victim and blaming circumstances, or the guy, or anybody but yourself.

Let’s take a closer look

If you have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men, or assholes, or are chronically single, then it’s likely that you are harbouring some belief about yourself that’s causing this. When I finally snapped out of my victim stage and started looking in the mirror – so to speak  – I made two realizations about these limiting beliefs about myself. The first one was that I wasn’t super popular in high school, and so I developed this “need” to date the typical high school superstar, and make them fall in love with me.

Not very realistic, because really, when you’re in your late 20s, who really wants to be dating the guy from high school? Yeah, no wonder I kept dating immature, asshole men. Secondly and this was a big one for me – after getting my heart broken really badly, I developed a belief that I would never be good enough for someone to love me. Ouch. So I subconsciously dated emotionally unavailable men.

Start journaling

But the good news is that once you identify these negative and limiting beliefs about yourself, you can start to change them. That may look different to each person – but there are several techniques to get you there. See a counselor. Journal. Practice positive affirmations. Meditate. Whatever you do, start changing the way you think about yourself. Because the Law of Attraction exists whether you believe in it or not – it’s a Universal Law, like gravity. If you are constantly thinking to yourself you aren’t worthy of love, well, who is going to love you then? If you mope around thinking there are no good guys left out there, well, you aren’t going to meet any good guys.

Think Positive

Think positively and put what you want out into the Universe.  The Universe will bring you what you want. But the key is to be happy in the meantime. Let go of the stigma of “singledom”. Being single can rock, by the way. Enjoy the little things about it. And as you let go of the pressure of meeting someone, you’ll start attracting not only men, but the right kind of men, to you. Maybe it sounds a little new-agey and hocus-pocusy, but it really does work.

So, now that you know why you are still single, you can start taking the steps to change that. If you try it out, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!