Chances are, you know the type. You meet someone and spend the time getting to know them, and maybe even are falling a bit for them, only to find out they’re “not looking for a serious relationship”. You’re frustrated because you feel like you just wasted your time. Early identification is key- watch for those red flags with some tips on avoiding time wasters!
What Does a Time Waster Look Like?
Do you only get late night texts, or texts when he is bored and lonely? How interested is he in YOU versus what’s in your pants? Does he take the time to get to really know you and listen to you when you speak? Or does he only text you at his convenience? Does he introduce you to friends or family? Does he suddenly go MIA with no explanation? Has he made his intentions with you clear? And is your gut telling you he may not be all that serious?
So now that you know what these time wasters look like:
Tips on Avoiding Time Wasters:
Be true to yourself
If you’re REALLY clear with yourself about what you’re looking for, you’ll know pretty quick when the person you’re dating doesn’t fit with that and you can cut them loose before wasting too much time.
It’s easy with online dating to get swept up in responding to everyone and relishing the attention. But don’t be afraid to be selective. Pick and choose who you think might really be a good match -again, based on you knowing what YOU want. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be open to opportunities, because you just never know, but when there are core values and qualities you’re looking for, stay true only to them. Don’t waste your time with someone you know doesn’t meet them. Don’t worry about hurting people’s feelings by not responding to an online message. You haven’t even met them in person!
Ask yourself: Do they walk the talk?
This is so important and yet easy to ignore. Your date at the beginning could be out to “wow” you with big talk, and it’s so easy to get caught up in believing them. It’s crucial to pay attention to their actions. Do they back up the big talk? If he says you (and a relationship) are his priority, does he actually MAKE it a priority or is he quick to blow you off to hang out with friends, or quick to find excuses why he hasn’t followed through with something?
Lay out your intentions
There’s nothing wrong with being clear on what you’re looking for. I’m not saying that you should scare him off on your first date with your wedding plans and how many kids you want. But if you’re clear that you are looking for an exclusive, committed relationship, then he can choose to take it or leave it. And if that scares him off, he wasn’t the right one for you anyway.
On the flip side, we should all be conscious of when WE are guilty of being time wasters. We all do it, because we’re avoiding that awkward conversation by telling someone we’re just not that interested in them. But, remember how it feels to be on the receiving end of it and that it’s always better to just know what the situation is. So suck it up buttercup and rip off that band-aid! Just tell them when you’re not interested in pursuing something any farther.
Do you have any other tips on avoiding time wasters when dating that I may have missed? Comment below!