Maybe our grandparents and great grandparents knew something. Long courtships were the norm. Months passed before they even exchanged a peck on the cheek. In some cultures around the globe, this is still the case. The tradition still stands strong. Does sex spoil a new relationship? Maybe it doesn’t really always spoil it, but it can considerably derail it. How can it derail it? Have you noticed that as soon as you start having sex with your new love interest, you somehow stop talking. I don’t mean that you completely stop talking, but your choice of subjects start to revolve almost exclusively around sex, the what, the how, the when, perhaps the what with?
Why Does Sex Spoil a New Relationship?
As fascinating as it is to discover each other’s bodies, and as amazing as it is to fall prey to lust, going to bed too early in a relationship can thwart its growth. Once we start having sex, we enter a pink cloud of emotions, especially us, women. This results in us picturing our love interest in the best possible light. Once the haze lifts, in say 3, 6 or more months we start noticing character traits we didn’t before, because of the rose-tinted glasses we were wearing. This period can be the make or break of a relationship. Are we a good enough match to accept their shortcomings and work through our differences?
Let’s look at the alternative. Waiting to have sex means that we get to know each other more closely without the bias that sex brings into play, like when we form friendships. In friendships we bond with people that we have a connection with and we strengthen that bond throughout time.
Someone jokingly said, possibly a writer, that the best way to know a person is by going travelling with them or by writing a book with them. Travel I’ve done with partner and friends alike and God, whoever said that, they were so right. Some friendships and relationships survived travel, others bit the dust.
But is it so crucial to deny ourselves the pleasure of having sex in the early days? In most cases it is, although there are, as always, exceptions from the rule. An acquaintance told me that she broke her six months no sex rule with her current partner and slept with him on their first date and yet, more than a year later they are talking marriage.
When Does Sex Not Spoil a New Relationship?
When it doesn’t take over the relationship. When you keep talking. You keep talking about all other subjects you talked about before and more. When you keep doing all the other things you did before, going to places, cooking together, or maybe playing pool or badminton, going hiking, visiting museums, galleries, going to shows, whatever the two of you are into.
This way you keep getting to know each other from all angles, not just the sex angle. But here’s the tricky part. Whilst exploring each other sexually should not take over the relationship, it does have to have high priority in it, nevertheless. This sounds a bit like a catch-22 situation, doesn’t it? Well, here’s a suggestion. Don’t go all the way right away. Prepare the scene for the big act. Like they do it at rock concerts. They have an opening act, don’t they? I know that in the era of instant gratification this seems like a tall order, but if you’re not into casual hook ups and you can both agree to take it slow, the rewards can be enormous. Go on, give it a try!
What are your thoughts on the above? Please share your comments. Don’t be a stranger, we’re eager to hear from you!