One of the best parts of dating is the honeymoon phase. You and your new sweetie remain in an impenetrable bubble of affection. By your powers combined, you have the ability to gross out everyone you know with nauseating sweet nothings. Despite the infinite amount of smiles and googly eyes, there are 11 Shocking Truths about New Relationships:
1. You no longer have to tiptoe around Facebook
It’s no longer a secret! Photos of the two of you are no longer taboo and you can actually post them! Just please don’t celebrate by posting ALL the pictures of you together. Also, remember kissy photos are not pleasant for anyone.
2. You’ll have a new favorite word and it will be boyfriend
Things have been established and you just want to introduce your new leading love to everyone. You just like the way the word “boyfriend” rolls off your tongue.
3. You learn to share your Netflix binges
Date nights can turn into a PJ party with your Netflix account and you learn to find shows you both enjoy. It becomes a ritual and you are only allowed to watch each episode together. (FYI, if either of you Netflix “cheat” and watch episodes without the other, there may be some serious consequences about anyone’s new relationships working out.)
4. You’ll start to miss your farting freedom
Depending on how new the relationship is, you may not be ready to just let one loose whenever. Not to mention the shame of a really loud and/or smelly one. Of course, there is always the chance that your new boo will get into farting contests with you. (Fingers crossed!)
5. Life will get more expensive
Trying to avoid the honey bear from finding out you don’t know how to cook anything other than Ramen? You’ll be going to a lot of restaurants. Want to surprise your cutie patootie with tickets to a concert? Cha-ching! Your bank will start to hate your love life.
6. Dropping the L-bomb will be harder than storming the beaches at Normandy
Once you realize you love the big mook, it gets harder and harder to keep inside. There are all kinds of worries about reciprocation and timing. Of course, you can always go the route of drinking excessively until it just falls out of your mouth like drool and you find yourself on the subway the next morning in a sudden state of panic remembering what happened until the memory that they said it back surfaces.
7. You need to navigate the minefield that is leaving things at his apartment
Inevitably, you will start spending more and more time at the new lover’s apartment, and let’s be honest: it’s super gross to carry a toothbrush and dirty underwear in your purse. There will come a time where you have to leave some things there in such a way that you are not labeled a nester and thusly get kicked out of his bachelor pad.
8. You will get fat
Unless you are in one of those inhuman relationships where you spend all of your time together at the gym and drink protein shakes from the same glass, you will definitely gain some weight. All those nights out and the lounging in front of the television will add to some extra squishiness that wasn’t there before.
9. You will find out how much of a slob they are
The days of walking into your snookum’s spotless apartment may become a distant memory. Now that you’ve been ensnared by their romantic tangle of webs, the façade of regularly doing the dishes and vacuuming the floor will reveal the hidden slob within.
10. The slob thing becomes a non-issue (for a little while)
If you are still in the honeymoon phase, this slovenly behavior might even be endearing. That is, until you want a cup of coffee in the morning and all the mugs are covered in furry mold.
11. Congratulations, you are now part of a very exclusive club called The No Pants Club
Days of lounging in perfect makeup and your cutest PJs are behind you. Grab your sweats and snuggle up to your honey bunny, because things just got real.
If you’ve made it past all of these happy moments and hurdles, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve found yourself a solid relationship, and it’s not one of those new relationships any more!