Ever fallen for someone hard, when there’s no hope in hell you’ll ever be together? Yup, me too. Hurts like hell doesn’t it? Unrequited love, loving someone wholeheartedly but getting nothing back. For whatever reason, that someone of your dreams is either unavailable or just not into you.
Yet I found, caught up in a one-sided love in my early twenties, it was very hard to see the fruitlessness of my feelings. Maybe if I had read a post like this one … who knows?
How To Recognise It
It’s all about a ‘safe’ kind of love … you experience the feelings without actually getting involved. It is hard, because although I’m guessing psychologists would tell you that it’s all about a ‘safe’ kind of love; you experience the feelings without actually getting involved. I knew a girl once who seemed to make a habit of falling for guys she couldn’t have a relationship with. But if you ARE experiencing those feelings, they’re damn real at the time and they don’t usually develop without some sort of real connection with the object of your affection.
The Man of My Dreams to me from the age of about 22 to 25 was happily married to the woman of HIS dreams, and yet it took me those three years and the birth of his first child to realize that we were only ever going to be friends.
You may have to figure it out, because nobody who knew me and could see where my affections lay wanted to tell me that this idealized love of mine was never going to happen. I have better friends these days!
Alarms bells are going off somewhere, we just have to listen.
Find a Good Mate and Have a Cry
Unrequited love is very common, almost a coming-of-age stepping stone to the real thing. Lots of us go through it so once you’ve realized that’s what you’re experiencing, go cry on your best mates or your mum’s shoulder. They’ll understand. Chances are they’ve experienced it, too.
It generates real feelings, it’s okay to feel genuinely broken-hearted when the penny finally drops and you accept that these feelings aren’t going anywhere.
Have a good cry, don’t feel daft. Getting over an unrequited love is no easier than getting over any other kind of heartbreak.
Stand Up Stronger And Move On
You may have to literally move on. That married man I mentioned earlier, when that particular penny dropped for me it was definitely time for a change. We worked together every day, had mutual friends and I just couldn’t see myself getting over him easily unless I found a new job and moved. So I did!
Depending on your situation, it might be really good for you to consider a change at this point. Don’t be nervous, you just learnt how to spot and deal with Unrequited Love, high five! Now get out there and face a new challenge stronger.
The next time I experienced it, I was much quicker at spotting it and moving on. I met a guy, we became friends and I found myself experiencing all the “Why can he not see how perrrfect we’d be together” feelings I’d had before, but I listened to those alarms bells. I mean, he’s a red blooded man. I’d given him all the opportunity he needed to make a move on me. He just wasn’t that into me, but it only took me a couple of months and a much more direct “do you fancy me?!?” approach before I figured that out.
And I moved on stronger still ….
- Unrequited Love: Why Can’t He/She See We’re Made for Each Other? - June 27, 2019
- Looking for Love? Love Yourself - May 11, 2019