Commitment-phobic has long been a term used to describe people who have a fear of commitment. Generally speaking, people who fell into this category were primarily men. Today, however, this isn’t the case. Commitment-Phobia is not just for men anymore.

The Shift in Gender Roles

The more I talk to my single female friends about this, the more I hear how they just want to be serial daters.  Through some sort of Twilight Zone type alteration, men and women seem to have reversed gender roles when it comes to the fear of commitment. More and more men I come in contact with seem to be so ready to take the next step, past casual dating, and jump right into relationship status. Yet the more I talk to my single female friends about this, the more I hear how they just want to be serial daters, casually date a couple of people or be FWB (Friends with Benefits). What has caused the pendulum to swing and alter reality as we once knew it?

Maybe one way to answer that question is to look at recent changes to the world of dating. With the mainstream acceptance of online dating, speed dating, and singles events, women now have a plethora of ways to meet single men. With the use of technology to meet men, women are given total control. Why? Well, because women have it pretty easy when it comes to online dating. We snap a few pictures, throw up a profile, and wait for the fish…um… I mean men, to take the bait. Typically men contact women first, placing the ball in her court to either respond or delete said message while the man sits and waits. From what the men I’ve met through online dating have told me, they probably get one or two messages a day. Of the women I know, myself included, we probably get 1-2 messages per hour! Perhaps those shifts in control combined with the array of options have helped to cause the shift in commitment-phobia between genders.


Contrary to popular belief, women can be commitment-phobes just as much as men!

Picky, Particular, or Commitment-phobia?

In a recent post I discussed how a guy I’ve been casually dating is attempting to label me his… um…girlfriend (gasp!) For a commitment-phobic single girl like me, the very idea scares the panties off of me! So, what are the signs that you too are a commitment-phobic woman as opposed to just being picky or particular in your standards?

  • Is your freedom the most important thing in your life?
  • Do you find it a turn off when he wants to know every detail about your life?
  • Once the initial excitement of the new guy wears off, are you bored and ready to run?
  • Do you keep him away from your friends and family?
  • Do you go from one short-lived relationship to the next?

I like my freedom and I like having choices. Things are going great and we’re having fun so, why on Earth would we ruin that with labels and the expectations that come along with those labels? I like my freedom and I like having choices. I enjoy shopping for men the same way I shop for shoes: trying on all of the ones that catch my eye, admiring how fantastic they are for a bit, and maybe even take them for a test drive before I finally make a decision. If I can’t commit to a pair of shoes without making a mental pro and con list, how on earth can I commit to a man?!

Variety is the spice of life and this commitment-phobic woman likes to experiment with different flavors.


Boston Single Girl

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