Did I Come on Too Strong? by @MarriageDr
You don’t have to be single too long before you realize there are a lot of winners out there on the dating scene (yep, that was sarcasm). After just one date with one of them you realize why they’re still single. And you don’t have to be single for much longer before you realize that there are plenty of them out there.
So once you’ve been single long enough you feel really flattered when someone nice comes a long that makes you feel good. Someone who actually knows how to hold a conversation, doesn’t have weird habits like collecting their toe nail clippings and they don’t even snort when they laugh. When you’ve been on the dating scene for so long and you find someone like this, you want to jump on it (figuratively and literally) and try to lock down another date. After all, if this one passes by you might be looking for another one like them for a really long time.
You Want to Let Them Know it Wasn’t Just Another Date
So you wake up the next morning and give them a call to tell them how wonderful of a time you had. Then you text them later that day to see what they’re doing this weekend. And you add them as a Facebook friend later that night. But after they first told you they’re not doing anything this weekend and it “would be fun to do something again” suddenly, you can’t get them to return your calls.
So what happened? Yup. You guessed it. You came on too strong. I know. I know. You’ve never done anything like what I mentioned above. That’s just kind of creepy. But I’m willing to bet you’ve looked back at times during your dating career and silently wondered to yourself: “What did I do wrong? Did I come on too strong?” If you’ve ever asked yourself this, then the answer is probably “yes, you did”.
How do I know whether I came on too strong or not?
Look, I’m a marriage counselor. So you can argue with me all you want saying that “you weren’t there” or “you don’t even know me” and I’m not going to argue with you. You’re absolutely right. Even if I was there or even if I did know you, I wouldn’t sit back and critique you on your dating form. I could care less about that part. I do know enough, though, to say with some level of confidence that if you’ve ever wondered whether you came across too strong that you really probably did.
How do I know this? It’s simple. You said it. When asking whether you came across too strong you identified the problem right then and there. Why else would you be wondering about it? If you didn’t come across too strong you wouldn’t even be asking yourself whether you did or not. Even if you came across the same as you did with all the rest of your dates, this date might have been different and you might have come across too strong this time.
If you came on too strong, don’t sweat it. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You probably really like the person you went on that date with that now has you asking whether you came across too strong and it’s been tough for you to let it go. You probably wonder if you’ll find someone like that again. It’s time to let it go and move on. There’s something about that kind of person that excites you but you came across as lame to them. Read my article here about what to do now that you’re single to help yourself and be the kind of person someone you like would want to date.
Next time, scale it back to make sure you don’t come on too strong.
As for the next time, when you find yourself on a date who has you excited and you want to do something special to show them you’re excited, think about whatever you want to do and scale it back a notch. You can still do something special – just not as much as you originally wanted to. Trust me, they’ll still be flattered by the thought and you’ll be certain you didn’t come on too strong. You’ll also make sure you don’t give off the creepy vibe.
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